The Nice Girl on Dating Disasters

Thoughts on the 2017 dating scene:

I’m over it. 

I arrived on the dating scene at 21 years old. After not being on a date since I was 14 and being with the same person for three years shy of a decade.

But let’s get to the embarrassing stuff. Single ladies you are not alone.

I’m about to go Mean Girls Burn Book.

Dating Disasters over the years? YES. Plenty.

Most recent: Dumped via text after being in a relationship for a week.Then he's with another woman less than 24 hours later publicly on social media. After I was being told so many things. Promising things. Like "you are the one for me" things. "I see us in the future" things. Our relationship was made FaceBook official, so that's really official right? Photos and everything. Which he removed within five minutes. If it feels too good to be true, it usually is. I need some laughing emojis.

The most embarrassing date happened a few years ago. I went out to get pizza with someone. He was a church-goer, which was great to me. We had mutual friends and attended the same college. It was a pizza dinner date, so casual conversation, a casual evening. After arriving home I texted him and thanked him for the meal. I heard nothing back. I thought it was strange, but shrugged it off and thought maybe he didn’t like me. Then I was woken up by my phone ringing at MIDNIGHT. It was him. I answered the phone and he immediately said, “Sera, we need to talk.” We had been on one date mind you, so I had no idea what he wanted to talk about. I said, “Okay, what about?” He replied with, “God told me you are not the one for me.” I was in complete shock. I wasn’t asking the guy to marry me. We just had ONE dinner. ONE SLICE OF PIZZA. ONE DATE. ONE FACE TO FACE CONVO. I was taken aback and didn’t know if I should be mad or laugh. I didn’t know what to say, so I simply said “Thank you for telling me.” I am too nice. He basically just told me the creator of the universe told him after one date with me that I was not his soul mate. Gentlemen, if God tells you this, don’t tell your date. He probably doesn’t want her to know that after the first date or ever actually. I would have been better off with a “no text back”. And he recently requested me on SnapChat and watches every one of my stories (INSERT MORE LAUGHING EMOJIS). 

Men are slick. I joined a dating app in 2014 and matched with a man I thought was a lot younger. A friend asked how my dating life was going and I told him the man’s name. He asked me to send him a photo. He was using the same dating site at the time. So I sent the photo. I got a text back saying, “That is not his real name. And he is very much married. Go look at his Facebook. I work with him.” I searched his REAL name on Facebook and I got the “User Not Found” notification. I had someone else search him, and yes he was married. He had blocked me on Facebook, so I wouldn’t find out. He was also using old photos on the app and claiming to be ten years younger. I confronted him about it and he was in complete denial. I ended up deleting the app. I had too many creepies on there. One man I didn’t even match with, looked me up on Facebook and at the end of his message said, “Promise to message me back?” No, but I sure enough promised the block button.

Also, if you are on your iPhone at dinner then you pull out another phone and it's one that flips open, I am asking for the check. Don't tell me it's your work phone, because I'm automatically assuming it's your TRAP phone...(Yes, this happened too.)

There's been one man I meshed well with to the point of a very serious relationship, but every woman who didn't want him before me wanted him while we were together. That's how some women are. They turn a man down until he's with another female, and all of a sudden they are interested in him. Unfortunately, he took them up on their offers. And I didn't find out until later, thanks to a friend looking out for me with her iPhone camera. 

These people I am referring to I have thought are well-rounded educated people. People I thought surrounded themselves with other well-rounded educated people. Until I know their personal lives. Like a horse vet wanting to fight me over a man with a masters degree.  Are we back in middle school middle-aged people? No, dating a man in his 30's doesn't mean you're dating a mature man. Contrary to popular belief. 

You don't have to be a trouble-maker or drama lover for these things to happen to you. I stay to myself and mind my own business. I'm not going to let people run over me, but I have never started trouble just to start it. What is meant to be an innocent journey of finding Mr. Right can end up turning into a chaotic fiasco very quickly. I've found this out over a very short period of time.

I’ve been stood up. I’ve been ready to be picked up for a date, and no one show. It is really hard to find decent human beings these days. Then my friends tell me, “Don’t sweat it, you can have anyone you want!” No girl, it’s not that simple. Especially when you are a single mom like me. I want the right person to come into my son’s life, and I do not want to waste my time. My dad recently told me to join Tinder or Match.com.    

 PERHAPS NOT. 

Well, maybe. My sister met her hubby on Tinder....

Good luck ladies on your quest to find the one worth spending the rest of your life with. We're all going to need it.

Defeat to Determination: Fitness Journey

What motivates someone to completely alter their lifestyle? I have asked myself this question often. What has motivated ME to make changes in my life? A series of events has led up to the new person I am becoming. I had my life planned and my future laid out before me. I thought I had everything figured out. I was excited about the days and years to come. Little did I know, this plan would never play out like I had always imagined. My "happily ever after" slipped through my fingers in a matter of hours. The hurt I have had to endure has weakened me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was unable to eat from the emotional turmoil I was facing everyday. I began to lose weight, very quickly. I was in a miserable state of mind and body. I would pray and ask God what I ever did wrong to deserve what was happening to me. I did not understand it at the time, but He was saving me from a path of complete and utter destruction. A path that was leading me somewhere I didn't belong. A path that was leading me to where people would continue to hurt and manipulate me. I was falsely accused, and done very wrong by those I thought had my best interests at heart and Haiden's as well. I have been lied about, my family has been lied about, because responsibility will never be taken and fingers will continue to be pointed. Betrayal is my word of choice to describe this situation. My family has had to pick me up, and sometimes LITERALLY pick me up off the ground. I was juggling school and work, being a mom, recovering from a surgery, while doing my best to hide my hurt for Haiden's sake. These bottled up emotions eventually got to me. I knew something had to give, or I was going to have an emotional break-down. I needed an outlet. I decided I was not going to let this trial tear me to pieces. I was tired and fed up with feeling weak. I couldn't handle Haiden by myself and this was taking a toll on me emotionally as well.

"Now I'll be thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt. It will never work, because it's really much worse than I thought. I wished you were something that you're not. And now this guilt is really all that I've got."

-Fort Minor, 'Believe Me' 

          ( I love this song, link posted below.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1bsRkGdFeA 

I then started doing my research. I began seeing Instagram posts of a girl who weighed 85 pounds, which is how much I weigh, and she gained 20 pounds in muscle from Strength Training. I ultimately wanted to "bulk up" and decided to get a gym membership at Gold's. Logan, my sister, has been a huge inspiration. She has been going to the gym for quite sometime and invited me to go with her a few months ago. I just watched at the time, because I was still in pain from my surgery and couldn't do much.

20 weeks ago.  The "doworkson" hashtag did NOT apply to me back then haha ;)

First day at the gym with the sis :) ---3 weeks ago

 I began my Strength Training 3 weeks ago along with adding fattening protein shakes to my everyday diet to help me gain weight and muscle. I am staying away from Cardio and anything that puts stress or pressure on my chest.

My shakes: Bananas, oatmeal, peanut butter, 2 scoops of protein, milk, carnation instant breakfast, ice-cream

July 4th work-out session ;) 

All of the heartache I've had to endure, my son,  as well as the thoracic surgery I'm recovering from has fueled my decision to start my "Fitness Journey".  I did not turn to drugs, alcohol, or any other substance to be my escape from a devastating situation. I am BETTERING myself instead of destroying myself. My family has been such a wonderful support system. They have been there for me through it all and are seeing me through this transformation. I never want to feel weak or inferior, and I've made up my mind to never go back to that place.

Feeling defeated has left me with a new determination. A determination to never back down. A determination to rise up against those who want me to fail. A determination to be something I never thought I could be. A STRONGER me.  

Stay tuned for more posts and join me on my Fitness Journey! 

Big News, Venues, Menus, & Wedding Shoes

OF COURSE, I have to blog about my upcoming wedding. I have been meaning to for quite some time, but with recovery and things being so crazy busy I decided to wait until after Christmas. At the end of November I asked Logan and Aubrey to be the two girls by my side at my wedding. Logan will be my Maid Of Honor. I purchased a special invitation for them, written by me. I presented these invitations to them at Up Your Alley Chophouse in downtown Aiken, while my mom photographed.

Personalized invitations for the girls! 

We all exchanged hugs and tears! 

After lunch Logan and Aubrey tried on the samples of their dresses for the big day. I also showed Aubrey my dress for the first time. She was speechless and in tears! I purchased my wedding shoes prior to asking the girls to be in my wedding. This was the only item I was able to take home. Save the dates were ordered, except now I will have to keep them. The date has changed, so I will be going straight to the invitations. 

My wedding shoes :)

Aubrey's Reaction to my dress: 

I told her to keep her eyes covered until my dress was clipped. 

Aubrey was crying again at this point! 

Mine and Chris' wedding has been put on hold due to this surgery. We were actually supposed to be married on October 27 of this year. We decided to give things some more time and rescheduled the wedding for August 29th, 2014. August 29th fell on a Friday and I was SO EXCITED. This was the day Chris asked me to date him when we were 14 years old, in 9th grade at Silver Bluff High School. Everything has seemed to fall into place and we were able to get our first home sooner than we planned. I decided to move the wedding up to Spring. Our new date is April 26th, 2014.

Our first Save The Dates. I made these myself on Photoshop! These were for the original October wedding.

Our second round of Save the Dates. These were for the August 29th wedding. These were ordered from Etsy, and I will most likely use the same Etsy Shop for my invitations!

I have also met with our florist in 2012 shortly after Chris and I were engaged. We have rescheduled another meeting. She is Miss Tammy from Dyson's Designs and I love her work. I have recommended her to other brides. She is FANTASTIC! We have decided on a venue and will be meeting with potential caterers soon. I will disclose that information in the next blog post! I will also be featuring photos from our new home after the paperwork is finalized!

(WE WILL HAVE OUR OWN HOUSE, FINALLY!) 

OUR STORY

I was new to Silver Bluff, I was actually zoned for South Aiken High. I wanted to attend a smaller high school after attending a quaint Christian school along with homeschooling my middle school years. I saw Chris for the first time at our Freshman Orientation in the gym. He had his hat on backwards (he still wears them like this) and had on plaid shorts. Yes, they were in style back then in 2007! I thought he was cute, but I was busy trying to find my classes and meet my new teachers. I went to my 7th period class, which was Geometry and picked a seat in the middle of the room. Chris walks in and sits next to me, pretending he didn't notice I was sitting there. We didn't say anything to each other, which wasn't surprising. I was focused about my future in Geometry, so I didn't pay Chris too much attention. The only thing that stuck in my mind was "Wow, where do I know him from? He looks vaguely familiar..."

Later on that week, Chris and I would arrive to school around the same time. We still didn't speak to each other. We had 7th period together everyday and we continued to walk past one another without a word. Finally, I decided to sit at a different table during lunch. It was the end of the school week and I worked up enough courage to ask Chris where he went to middle school and where he was from. You were either from Jackson or New Ellenton if you went to Silver Bluff, with a few exceptions. Some friends and I were from Aiken. Mine and Chris' conversation didn't even last five minutes, and it was extremely awkward. My friend Colleen was sitting beside me so I talked to her during lunch until the bell rang. When I got home that day, I checked my Myspace. This was the social media site we all used in 2007 before Facebook became popular. I had a notification alerting me  of a new friend request from Chris Rautio. His profile picture was a "selfie" in a Pepsi shirt. I'm pretty sure I was the first one to comment on his photo and send him a message. Chris isn't much for conversation starting. We hit it off on Myspace messaging, since that was less intimidating for the both of us. Shortly after I was invited to a bonfire. I decided to go after Chris shared with me on a Myspace message that he would be there. I had a good time, but I only talked to Chris for about ten minutes before I left. He pretended to ignore me the whole bonfire. We eventually got our own "first selfie" that night, which went on my Myspace page when I returned home. Three days later on August 29th, 2007 in front of my locker, Chris asked me the one question I had been waiting for, "Are we going out now or what?"..... Well it wasn't exactly how I pictured it, but that was Chris for you.

Our first "selfie" before the "selfie" was a thing ;) 8/26/07 

Our first SBHS football game as a couple. 8/31/07

We continued dating throughout high school and I liked to call us the "Silver Bluff Soap Opera". We were even nominated "Most Likely to Never be Single" our senior year for superlatives. Our relationship was so dramatic and still is. Now we have Haiden and we are getting married. Everything is just so surreal.

"Most Likely to Never be Single" Senior Superlative 2011 SBHS.

Chris and I have a history and we know each other so well. Our story is what makes our relationship so special. We have grown up together and Chris has TRULY been my best friend. We are more in love now than we ever were. We have learned through the good times and the bad, almost 7 years worth! We have a son who is the perfect mixture of us both who has brought us closer together. I am looking forward to our upcoming wedding and sharing it with our friends and loved ones.

12/28/13

Be on the look-out for wedding invitations! We have decided on an "intimate gathering" style wedding.  Chris and I did not want a big wedding and wanted to invite those who have been there for us throughout the years. Our wedding theme is going to be centered around "Our Story". 

Have a Happy New Year and stay tuned for more details! 

'Tis the Season Thankfulness

Christmas Eve is TOMORROW NIGHT. It is the first Christmas that I am "dent free". And for this I am very thankful. I took a deep breath last night, and thought "Wow, this feels amazing." You take things for granted in this life, like being able to breathe properly. I had gotten used to only using 30 percent of my lung capacity. My recovery is going well, though I am not pain free. It's more of a soreness, some days I can get into really bad shape. Especially if I have been pulling on Haiden a lot. Also, sneezing with a metal bar in your chest is AWFUL. I cannot fully sneeze, so when the need arises to sneeze I make a "PewPewPew" sound. My whole family makes fun of me. I try to explain to them how your chest contracts when you sneeze and it hurts. They get a kick out of it though. But in general, things get better each day. I am much better than I was and I understand this recovery is going to take some time! I am able to get married sooner than expected and I am hopefully returning to school in January.

Druelle Christmas Vaction

We had an early family Christmas get together on the 14th with our family from out of town. We all had a blast and it was wonderful being able to see everyone. Haiden received many cute gifts and new toys. He had fun as well. At our early Christmas family dinner we got a lot of inspiration from The National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation movie. I was in charge of the "EggNog Station" and I served everyone eggnog from the cutest bowl and cups my mom and I found at Goodwill. (We love thrifting.) My mom even printed out some National Lampoon quotes and had them scattered throughout the house. We enjoyed a delicious meal and we chowed down on all of the Moss/Druelle family favorites!

EGGNOG STATION!

I made everyone's eggnog picture perfect! :)

Personally, I think this was the best part! It was delicious, if I do say so MYSELF ;) 

Opening gifts from the family! 

The Tucker's

Today we visited the Tucker family. Brittany and Trevor are mine and Chris' good friends. They are such troopers. And I love their boys to death! Brady is two and is their oldest son. He recently broke his femur while playing on his little brother Bentley's swing in their living room. The swing swivels and his leg got caught and his body fell. I was talking to Brittany about all of this, and she explained to me how terrible she felt. She said all of the nurses had to ask her if someone did this to Brady on purpose, because this is the number one broken bone in abuse cases. She explained to me she was so shocked something like this happened while she was watching Brady in their own living room. Brady has both legs casted as well as his stomach. Brittany and Trevor have had a lot on their plate this holiday season with an injured toddler and an infant! So, of course I had to make Brady and Bentley a snowman hat. I love making these little hats so much, and they are so cute in photos. Brady loved his hat and Bentley's was so precious. I cannot even imagine what Brittany and Trevor have had to go through, with a toddler who doesn't understand he can't move. They have handled everything with grace, that is for sure! The Tucker family is very dear to my heart. We are praying Brady will be able to have his cast removed on January 2nd!

Haiden looking at Bentley's "booboo". So sweet!

Bentley's hat on the left. Brady's on the right! 

'Tis the Season Thankfulness"

I am so thankful that my recovery is going well. I am even more thankful that Haiden is healthy this Christmas season. He was sick with the flu last Christmas, and this was terrible. I am also thankful he does not have to spend Christmas in a hospital. I pray those children at MUSC and the Ronald McDonald House have a wonderful Christmas despite their various circumstances. I hope a made a difference in someone's life. I hope I brought a smile to a little girl or boy's face this Christmas. I am thankful for my family and Chris who have all been wonderful and have helped me when I've needed it after my surgery. I have been through a lot physically and emotionally during this recovery and I am thankful God has been with me every step of the way. I am thanking Him for all of my blessings this Christmas. It has been tough not being able to take care of Haiden to the extent I was able to in the past. I am now able to lift him more and more. It scares me sometimes, because he is ALL BOY. So this means all rough and tumble.  I am grateful I am no longer in the state I was two months ago. I am excited about Haiden's second Christmas and I will be posting on his blog afterwards to share his Christmas morning photos! Count your blessings this season and share your own "Tis The Season Thankfulness".

I was trying to tell Chris one side of my mouth "wasn't working" when I smiled. He took the photo anyways. 

"SELFIE"

I hope everyone has a BLESSED, WONDERFUL, VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!  

Paying it Forward: Charleston Toy Drive

Inside the Ronald McDonald House! :) We were able to place the toys under this tree and another in the back, since they wouldn't all fit! 

I'm excited to announce we have PAID IT FORWARD in Charleston, South Carolina. My dad, Charlie Druelle, drove the big U-Haul truck filled with toys to give to MUSC Children's Hospital and the Ronald McDonald House. It was about a two hour drive! We dropped toys off at MUSC and the Ronald McDonald House. The only photos I have right now are at the Ronald McDonald House. I hate to say it, but I was very unhappy with MUSC. I felt like we were not welcome. Two staff members were sent out to help us unload the truck. The whole time we were unloading they both were rushing all of us. I wanted to get a photo of us unloading and one member rudely said, "You need to hurry this process along." (Needless to say I didn't get any usable photos here.)  I had to keep reminding myself this was for the children at the hospital. I had to bite my tongue. We did not have a convenient place to unload the toys, and we had to unload them at the front where patients were being discharged from the hospital. I felt like we were in the way, and we felt like our efforts to have these toys brought here were not appreciated.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, we had a WONDERFUL experience with the Ronald McDonald house. I want to give a special thanks to Jennene who made us feel so welcomed and appreciated. We shared stories and she gave us a tour. During our story time everyone, including myself, was in tears. Jennene shared with us that a Pectus patient's family, who had the Nuss Procedure like I did, had stayed in the house a couple months ago. I loved listening to all of the good things the RMH has done and still continues to do for the community of Charleston. I told her I would love to donate more to them in the future and possibly volunteer when I'm able. I told her if I lived close by, I would work there. That's how awesome she and her staff were. I was HIGHLY IMPRESSED! It was an amazing, heartwarming experience.

Unloading what I could at the Ronald McDonald House! :) 

Cathy and I unloading the rest of the toys at RMH

All of us! Cathy brought Carolyn from Rhode Island. DeAnna from Fox24 here in Charleston, who made the commercial, helped us unload as well!

This photo was featured on the Binkeez fan page! Check it out:
https://www.facebook.com/Binkeezforcomfort?ref=br_tf 

I am so blessed to have gotten this opportunity! Thank you so much Cathy O'Grady for allowing me this opportunity. Thank you Charlie Druelle and Cathy for making it possible! 

What I got out of this trip: 

I am definitely blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. It makes me appreciate the fact that Haiden is healthy, and doesn't have to go through what some of these children do. I'm so thankful he has not had to stay in the hospital for long periods of time. I've learned the simple things in life we take for granted are so big to other people. Jennene shared with us that a staff member was having a rough day at work. She was having to work on a holiday. She needed some help putting away some items at the House and a little girl that had cancer volunteered. Jennene said she had no hair and was sweet as could be. She sat down beside the staff member and started to clean. She said very proudly "This is the best day of my life, because I'm helping someone." I was in tears at this point. Little children have to go through so much sometimes, yet they're still willing to help someone else. We all could learn something from these children! This trip was such a blessing in time for the holidays! I know we made a lot of kids very happy this Christmas! 

Reaching Out: Pay It Forward

Never in a million years did I think this blog would be such an inspiration to others. My story has reached many people. This blog was started to keep friends and family informed about my surgery and recovery, but it has grown bigger. Through this blog Cathy O'Grady and I have bonded. She is from Massachusetts and does charity work for the Boston Children's Hospital. She decided to use MUSC, where I had my surgery, for a Toy Drive. My dad's barbershop, Charlie's Barbershop, is taking donated toys. Cathy is flying to Charleston and we will be personally delivering the toys to MUSC and the Ronald McDonald House on December 7th. I will provide links to her website and blog for more information at the end of this post. I will also provide my dad's address so you can ship your toys to be delivered on the 7th.

A Public Service Announcement (PSA) was made in mine and Cathy's honor by Fox24. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJSJnStCzDY&feature=youtu.be

I encourage all of you to watch, read about, and participate in this Toy Drive. Every little gift makes a difference. I can vouch for this myself. Just having a teddy bear to hold during my week stay at MUSC made a world of difference. And yes I was 20 going on 21 years old, squeezing my poor teddy to death while getting shots. Some of these kids might not have a family to celebrate Christmas with this year. And with your help we can make their day brighter. I definitely feel for the children who have to spend their Christmas in a hospital. I was in the hospital during my surgery for a little over a week, and I was so ready to be home in my own bed. Some children have extended stays in the hospital and have to be there for long periods of time.

My dad, Charlie Druelle, needs to be recognized as well. He has a big heart and is always thinking about others before himself. He has had it rough the past two years with his business. People have forgotten how much he cares for this community in the midst of these hardships. I can remember being in elementary school running late for church. We stopped by the store to get our favorite "greeting people mints". When we pulled up in the parking lot, a man had the hood of his car lifted and a fire started. My dad parked our car and rushed to the scene. No one offered to help the man besides my dad. So my dad took it upon himself to help the guy, and pulled off his brand new Lionel Smith suit coat and smothered the flames with it. Nothing has changed since then. He would still give the shirt off his back to someone in need. He goes to customers to give them hair cuts when they can't go to him. I have known him to go to hospitals, nursing homes, and people's houses who weren't able to make a trip to the barbershop. His kindness has once again shown through in the MUSC Toy Drive. Deliveries are pouring in, and the back room of his shop is filling up with boxes.  He is expecting more toys as the days go by, so I decided to wait until more deliveries are made before I photographed them. I will have more photos posted to the blog later this week.

My dad and I at his barbershop today! 

Cathy told me today while discussing the toy drive, "Amazing how God puts people in our lives when He does. Facebook isn't so bad after all." I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. Without this blog or Facebook, we would not be able to reach out to others. I think it IS amazing how God can use a few websites to bring people together. I do believe this blog is serving a greater purpose and has given me opportunities to change people's lives. MUSC is going to have some very happy children on December 7th, and I am so thankful to be a part of it. I have always prayed to have an opportunity to make a difference in someone's life, prayed for something bigger than myself. My surgery has allowed me this opportunity. The pain and difficult recovery I am still facing has been worth it by far.

Also, a special thanks to Cathy O'Grady for all you've done and continue to do!

How can you help? 

Send your toys to Charlie's Barbershop: 

126 Dominion Drive 

Suite 1050 

Aiken SC, 29803

Visit the links to gain more knowledge about the MUSC Toy Drive:
Cathy's Creations blog:
http://creationscathys.blogspot.com

Cathy's Creations website: 

http://www.cathyscreationsjewelry.com

Cathy's Creations fanpage on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/cathyscreationsjewelry 

Charlie's Barbershop fanpage on Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/Chuckydabarber

Help us PAY IT FORWARD!

Marriage Isn't For Me

I have seen the "Marriage Isn't For You" blog article pop up on my Facebook timeline. And what perfect timing. I love when I read something and it just speaks to a situation I have been in or dealing with at the moment. And this is where my surgery comes into play. It has been a blessing in so many ways. Prior to surgery, Chris and I were having a hard time. I couldn't understand why things weren't going anywhere, especially considering we had been together 6 years. Having a baby at a young age was hard and has made us grow up quickly. We have lost friends along the way and people we thought would always be there. It was hard having to realize we can't do the things we used to, now we have a child to think about. Having this surgery has put Chris in a whole new light for me, for which I am very grateful. I am one to always focus on the negative, which I can not do after this surgery. I can't emotionally or physically handle focusing on the negative anymore while trying to recover.

Before surgery I would always harp on the bad things Chris did, the way he talked to me when he got angry, or what he didn't do. I was constantly comparing him to other girl's boyfriends, fiancés, or husbands. Ladies you should never do this. I got myself into a lot of trouble thinking "the grass was greener on the other side".  It took me awhile to finally learn that someone else's grass was no greener than my own. No one has the perfect relationship and everyone struggles. The struggles I was facing were in MYSELF. Before surgery I was convinced Chris and I would never  be able to get married or even make a marriage work. I was too focused on what he wasn't instead of what he was. Even though Chris did a lot of good things for me, I refused to see this. He was always there for me when my health issues were getting the best of me. He bought me a SECOND engagement ring for Mother's Day. He took me to Savannah for a weekend before my surgery. But instead of being thankful for all of this, I put my focus on the things I thought he should be doing for me. 

After surgery while I was in the hospital Chris was by my side. This meant more to me than anything. Just the fact he was there. He would stay the night with me, would buzz the nurses when I was in pain, and would keep me company through the whole week. He even missed class some days to be with me. I have learned to cherish the little moments and the little things he does. Last Tuesday I had a seizure and while I was in the hospital I kept saying I wanted a big slice of chocolate cake. When I got home that night, Chris took it upon himself to get me a bunch of sweets and my favorite sparkling juice. We joke I am a "Sparkaholic", since I don't drink alcohol. I haven't been able to do much after surgery and I have not fully recuperated. So we stay at home most of the time and watch Redbox movies or Netflix.

Chris is a quiet person and doesn't express himself often in words, and I can be the same way. Communication, we have learned, is an important part of a relationship. We have learned to talk about our problems instead of ignore them. In order to make this work I have had to come to the conclusion I have to find the positive in EVERYTHING. I can't focus on me or my feelings and I have to consider Chris in all I do. He has to do the same by me as well. The "Marriage Isn't For You" article states marriage is truly about making someone else happy, and I have struggled with this. I was so focused on finding MY HAPPINESS and I was not considering Chris' happiness. My favorite quote from the article is "My father's advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today's "Walmart philosophy", which is if it doesn't make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one." This really stuck out to me, because we do often think happiness can be found in someone else if we aren't happy who we're with currently. Happiness can't be found in other people, it must be found in ourselves. 

I decided after surgery to go try on wedding dresses (even though I already had one), for a new beginning. I went with my mom to try on dresses yesterday (November 5th). Since my chest was different as well as my outlook on our relationship, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to find a wedding dress. I was so happy I had this experience. I ended up finding THE dress of my dreams and I am looking forward to an upcoming wedding. 

After I found THE dress. I made Logan go up to Charlotte's Bridal to see me in it! She stayed with Haiden until Chris got out of class, then drove to see all the excitement. :)

Miss Brittany was so wonderful. She helped me find THE dress! :) I can't thank her enough! She definitely made this day special!

I am finally happy about mine and Chris' relationship and the changes we have made. I am looking forward to our future with Haiden as well. I have realized MARRIAGE ISN'T FOR ME, it's for Chris and Haiden as well. I want nothing more than for us to be a family. Haiden is our reason for fighting and making things work. Haiden's happiness is our happiness. 

I encourage everyone to read the "Marriage Isn't For You" article. I will provide the link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html?utm_hp_ref=tw