What motivates someone to completely alter their lifestyle? I have asked myself this question often. What has motivated ME to make changes in my life? A series of events has led up to the new person I am becoming. I had my life planned and my future laid out before me. I thought I had everything figured out. I was excited about the days and years to come. Little did I know, this plan would never play out like I had always imagined. My "happily ever after" slipped through my fingers in a matter of hours. The hurt I have had to endure has weakened me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was unable to eat from the emotional turmoil I was facing everyday. I began to lose weight, very quickly. I was in a miserable state of mind and body. I would pray and ask God what I ever did wrong to deserve what was happening to me. I did not understand it at the time, but He was saving me from a path of complete and utter destruction. A path that was leading me somewhere I didn't belong. A path that was leading me to where people would continue to hurt and manipulate me. I was falsely accused, and done very wrong by those I thought had my best interests at heart and Haiden's as well. I have been lied about, my family has been lied about, because responsibility will never be taken and fingers will continue to be pointed. Betrayal is my word of choice to describe this situation. My family has had to pick me up, and sometimes LITERALLY pick me up off the ground. I was juggling school and work, being a mom, recovering from a surgery, while doing my best to hide my hurt for Haiden's sake. These bottled up emotions eventually got to me. I knew something had to give, or I was going to have an emotional break-down. I needed an outlet. I decided I was not going to let this trial tear me to pieces. I was tired and fed up with feeling weak. I couldn't handle Haiden by myself and this was taking a toll on me emotionally as well.
"Now I'll be thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt. It will never work, because it's really much worse than I thought. I wished you were something that you're not. And now this guilt is really all that I've got."
-Fort Minor, 'Believe Me'
( I love this song, link posted below.)
I then started doing my research. I began seeing Instagram posts of a girl who weighed 85 pounds, which is how much I weigh, and she gained 20 pounds in muscle from Strength Training. I ultimately wanted to "bulk up" and decided to get a gym membership at Gold's. Logan, my sister, has been a huge inspiration. She has been going to the gym for quite sometime and invited me to go with her a few months ago. I just watched at the time, because I was still in pain from my surgery and couldn't do much.
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| 20 weeks ago. The "doworkson" hashtag did NOT apply to me back then haha ;) |
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| First day at the gym with the sis :) ---3 weeks ago |
I began my Strength Training 3 weeks ago along with adding fattening protein shakes to my everyday diet to help me gain weight and muscle. I am staying away from Cardio and anything that puts stress or pressure on my chest.
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| My shakes: Bananas, oatmeal, peanut butter, 2 scoops of protein, milk, carnation instant breakfast, ice-cream |
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| July 4th work-out session ;) |
All of the heartache I've had to endure, my son, as well as the thoracic surgery I'm recovering from has fueled my decision to start my "Fitness Journey". I did not turn to drugs, alcohol, or any other substance to be my escape from a devastating situation. I am BETTERING myself instead of destroying myself. My family has been such a wonderful support system. They have been there for me through it all and are seeing me through this transformation. I never want to feel weak or inferior, and I've made up my mind to never go back to that place.
Feeling defeated has left me with a new determination. A determination to never back down. A determination to rise up against those who want me to fail. A determination to be something I never thought I could be. A STRONGER me.
Stay tuned for more posts and join me on my Fitness Journey!
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