Marriage Isn't For Me

I have seen the "Marriage Isn't For You" blog article pop up on my Facebook timeline. And what perfect timing. I love when I read something and it just speaks to a situation I have been in or dealing with at the moment. And this is where my surgery comes into play. It has been a blessing in so many ways. Prior to surgery, Chris and I were having a hard time. I couldn't understand why things weren't going anywhere, especially considering we had been together 6 years. Having a baby at a young age was hard and has made us grow up quickly. We have lost friends along the way and people we thought would always be there. It was hard having to realize we can't do the things we used to, now we have a child to think about. Having this surgery has put Chris in a whole new light for me, for which I am very grateful. I am one to always focus on the negative, which I can not do after this surgery. I can't emotionally or physically handle focusing on the negative anymore while trying to recover.

Before surgery I would always harp on the bad things Chris did, the way he talked to me when he got angry, or what he didn't do. I was constantly comparing him to other girl's boyfriends, fiancés, or husbands. Ladies you should never do this. I got myself into a lot of trouble thinking "the grass was greener on the other side".  It took me awhile to finally learn that someone else's grass was no greener than my own. No one has the perfect relationship and everyone struggles. The struggles I was facing were in MYSELF. Before surgery I was convinced Chris and I would never  be able to get married or even make a marriage work. I was too focused on what he wasn't instead of what he was. Even though Chris did a lot of good things for me, I refused to see this. He was always there for me when my health issues were getting the best of me. He bought me a SECOND engagement ring for Mother's Day. He took me to Savannah for a weekend before my surgery. But instead of being thankful for all of this, I put my focus on the things I thought he should be doing for me. 

After surgery while I was in the hospital Chris was by my side. This meant more to me than anything. Just the fact he was there. He would stay the night with me, would buzz the nurses when I was in pain, and would keep me company through the whole week. He even missed class some days to be with me. I have learned to cherish the little moments and the little things he does. Last Tuesday I had a seizure and while I was in the hospital I kept saying I wanted a big slice of chocolate cake. When I got home that night, Chris took it upon himself to get me a bunch of sweets and my favorite sparkling juice. We joke I am a "Sparkaholic", since I don't drink alcohol. I haven't been able to do much after surgery and I have not fully recuperated. So we stay at home most of the time and watch Redbox movies or Netflix.

Chris is a quiet person and doesn't express himself often in words, and I can be the same way. Communication, we have learned, is an important part of a relationship. We have learned to talk about our problems instead of ignore them. In order to make this work I have had to come to the conclusion I have to find the positive in EVERYTHING. I can't focus on me or my feelings and I have to consider Chris in all I do. He has to do the same by me as well. The "Marriage Isn't For You" article states marriage is truly about making someone else happy, and I have struggled with this. I was so focused on finding MY HAPPINESS and I was not considering Chris' happiness. My favorite quote from the article is "My father's advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today's "Walmart philosophy", which is if it doesn't make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one." This really stuck out to me, because we do often think happiness can be found in someone else if we aren't happy who we're with currently. Happiness can't be found in other people, it must be found in ourselves. 

I decided after surgery to go try on wedding dresses (even though I already had one), for a new beginning. I went with my mom to try on dresses yesterday (November 5th). Since my chest was different as well as my outlook on our relationship, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to find a wedding dress. I was so happy I had this experience. I ended up finding THE dress of my dreams and I am looking forward to an upcoming wedding. 

After I found THE dress. I made Logan go up to Charlotte's Bridal to see me in it! She stayed with Haiden until Chris got out of class, then drove to see all the excitement. :)

Miss Brittany was so wonderful. She helped me find THE dress! :) I can't thank her enough! She definitely made this day special!

I am finally happy about mine and Chris' relationship and the changes we have made. I am looking forward to our future with Haiden as well. I have realized MARRIAGE ISN'T FOR ME, it's for Chris and Haiden as well. I want nothing more than for us to be a family. Haiden is our reason for fighting and making things work. Haiden's happiness is our happiness. 

I encourage everyone to read the "Marriage Isn't For You" article. I will provide the link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html?utm_hp_ref=tw